10 Reasonable School Accommodations for PDA

Teachers and school staff have such a powerful impact on how kids with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) experience school. Not just academically, but emotionally and socially, too. For these students, the world often feels like it's full of invisible tripwires: pressure, expectations, and demands that their nervous systems read as threats, not opportunities.

That’s why traditional behavior strategies like charts, consequences, and compliance-based systems tend to backfire. These kids aren't being defiant; they're doing their best to protect themselves.

The good news? What does help is simple, human, and within reach: trust, autonomy, and real connection. When PDA kids feel seen, respected, and safe to be themselves, everything changes.

Here are 10 practical ways educators can create a more inclusive, supportive environment where PDA learners can truly thrive:

1. Lead with Relationship

Start here, always. Connection is the foundation of safety, and without safety, learning can’t happen. Kids are far more likely to participate, problem-solve, and try hard things when they feel connected to the adults around them.

Look for the good. Assign positive intent. Let them start fresh each day. Small moments of connection—eye contact, a genuine “I’m glad you’re here,” or a shared laugh goes a long way in building trust with kids whose nervous systems are wired to expect threats.

2. Preserve Their Dignity

Being corrected in front of peers can feel humiliating for PDA kids and often triggers shutdown or pushback. PDA brains will always sense feeling "less than" as a threat, which can bring out big protection behaviors. If a student needs redirection, find a way to do it gently and privately. Keeping their dignity intact helps preserve your connection and makes it more likely they’ll stay open to support.

3. Skip the Homework

After a full day of masking, navigating expectations, and keeping it together, PDA kids are spent. Their nervous systems are fried. What they need at home isn’t more pressure, it’s space to exhale, unmask, and feel safe.

Homework can feel like one more demand stacked on top of a mountain they’ve already climbed. Letting it go isn’t giving up. It’s honoring their limits and preserving the energy they need just to show up again tomorrow.

4. Give Advance Notice of Changes

Even small changes can feel like big threats to kids with PDA. Substitutes, schedule shifts, field trips: anything unpredictable can throw them off.

When possible, give advance notice to students and caregivers. Preparing together helps regulate their nervous systems and gives them time to come up with a plan.

5. Let Them Opt In

For many PDA learners, being called on or put on the spot feels unsafe. It’s not about ability, it’s about autonomy and vulnerability. Give students the option to volunteer answers instead of being chosen. Let participation happen on their terms.

You might be surprised how often they do step in once the pressure is off.

6. Allow "No Strings Attached" Observation

Active participation isn’t the only way kids learn. PDA kids often need time to observe before they engage. Watching from the sidelines, listening in, or sitting near the action without jumping in right away can all be valuable ways to learn and feel included without overwhelming their nervous systems.

7. Offer Choices Within Structure

When everything feels like a demand, having choices is everything. Let students choose the order of their tasks, pick between two assignments, or decide how they want to show what they know. It doesn’t mean giving up structure, it means inviting collaboration.

Choice equals autonomy. Autonomy means safety. And safety unlocks learning.

8. Step Back During Dysregulation

When a student starts to get stressed, even just a little, backing off is often the kindest and most effective response. More words, more instructions, or more reasoning in the moment usually makes things worse.

Instead, reduce your input, give space, and let them know you’re there when they’re ready. Regulation first. Conversation later.

9. Use Nonverbal Help Signals

Some kids can't easily say “I need help” when they’re struggling. Having a silent signal like a card, hand gesture, or object on their desk can give them a way to communicate without pressure or shame.

It’s simple, powerful, and builds so much trust.

10. Let Go of Behavioral Systems

Charts, rewards, clip systems, and loss of privileges might seem like “standard” tools, but for PDA kids, they’re often harmful. These methods are rooted in compliance, not connection. And for kids with sensitive nervous systems, they send the message that the relationship is conditional.

Instead, focus on proactive strategies that meet needs before behavior escalates. Build plans with students, not for them. Stay flexible. Lead with empathy.

When we shift from control to collaboration, we don’t just change behavior, we change the whole experience of school for these kids. PDA learners aren’t trying to make things hard. They’re trying to feel safe. When we meet them with curiosity, compassion, and trust, we help them build the foundation they need to learn and grow.